Before I got so sick, I remember I would occasionally worry about not having a support network in case things ever got really bad. Growing up, we had plenty of actual family living close by, plus my family always went to church, and those people became our extended family. Whenever someone died or got sick, the church people would organize meals and other support. Who would help us?
Well, there's nothing like actually getting very sick to find out. Through this whole ordeal, I have been so touched by how many people helped or offered various forms of help. Our friend group through the kids' daycare offered to take the kids any time we needed. Neighbors who had just moved in and that we barely knew brought us meals and offered child care. People at work offered to watch my kids or even go grocery shopping for me. My principal and colleagues at work also stepped up in various ways to cover my duties while I've been out for surgery and to make sure I had as little work and stress as possible.
But out of all that, here is what stands out the most. The mother of some of my students (I taught one daughter last year and one this year) wanted to help too. She drove out to our house on a Sunday to bring us a meal and she even brought books and beanie babies for the kids. Unfortunately, I was still in Durham with the kids and Zac was in the attic installing lights and didn't hear the doorbell, so we weren't even around to thank her in person.
But the real kicker is that this woman's mother had just died and she was traveling to her funeral the next day (my friend at work, Amy, who helped coordinate this, let me know). So how, in the midst of your own grief, do you put such an effort into helping someone else (who, honestly by this point didn't need it, but alas, the meal train was set up way in advance before we knew how quickly I would recover, and who am I to turn down pre-made meals?).
Well, there's nothing like actually getting very sick to find out. Through this whole ordeal, I have been so touched by how many people helped or offered various forms of help. Our friend group through the kids' daycare offered to take the kids any time we needed. Neighbors who had just moved in and that we barely knew brought us meals and offered child care. People at work offered to watch my kids or even go grocery shopping for me. My principal and colleagues at work also stepped up in various ways to cover my duties while I've been out for surgery and to make sure I had as little work and stress as possible.
But out of all that, here is what stands out the most. The mother of some of my students (I taught one daughter last year and one this year) wanted to help too. She drove out to our house on a Sunday to bring us a meal and she even brought books and beanie babies for the kids. Unfortunately, I was still in Durham with the kids and Zac was in the attic installing lights and didn't hear the doorbell, so we weren't even around to thank her in person.
But the real kicker is that this woman's mother had just died and she was traveling to her funeral the next day (my friend at work, Amy, who helped coordinate this, let me know). So how, in the midst of your own grief, do you put such an effort into helping someone else (who, honestly by this point didn't need it, but alas, the meal train was set up way in advance before we knew how quickly I would recover, and who am I to turn down pre-made meals?).
I sent her an e-mail that evening thanking her and included this picture of the kids with the gifts she brought for them. I also expressed sympathy for the loss of her mother. She responded: Thank you so much for this note & sweet photo! It made our night! Your kids are darling. Hope your recovery is going well & we are thinking about you. Thank you too for your kind words about my mom.
So here's what I think I've learned from all this: I do indeed have a network of people that care about me. But also that caring for others is healing for your self too. I think this mother, whose name is Alice, found that helping us helped ease her own sadness at losing her mother. I will try to always remember this, as well as all of these acts of kindness, and try to return the same to whoever needs help. I think it's too easy to make excuses that I'm too busy with my own kids and job and I probably don't reach out to help others enough. I have been writing a lot of thank you cards lately, though!
